Dysfunctional Paradise

Dysfunctional Paradise

“Dysfunctional Paradise” is an idea that’s been with me for years. In fact, it goes all the way back to 2007 or 2008, when I first started a blog under that name to share Lane’s mischievous adventures. But the truth is, our life has always been more complex than just Lane’s stories. This space will be about much more: the trials and triumphs we’ve faced as a family over nearly 40 years, and how we’ve grown together through it all.

Raising three sons, each with unique challenges and special needs, has been anything but easy. Over time, we’ve learned how to navigate IEPs in school, pursue proper diagnoses, figure out what those diagnoses really mean, and work through assistance programs like the Regional Center and SSI benefits. Most importantly, we’ve always pushed our kids to be the very best version of themselves.

Did we set the bar too high? Maybe. At times, we were tough—perhaps too tough. But by encouraging them to stretch their limits, we now have two sons living independently, holding jobs, earning wages, and navigating public transportation with only occasional help. Their independence makes us proud every single day.

Our third son’s journey is different—and harder to talk about. But to tell our story honestly, we’ll need to share what happened to him, and more importantly, explore why his path diverged.

I don’t know exactly how this blog will unfold. In the past, I’ve started projects like this only to abandon them when it felt like I was just ranting. Still, writing has always been a way to release the feelings trapped deep inside me. Journals and old blog posts became records of our toughest times—reminders of what we endured, how we reacted, and why. It’s complicated, just like everything connected to our kids.

Through it all, Tracey and I have remained strong. Our love has been the anchor that carried us forward, helping us survive and thrive despite the challenges of raising three disabled sons. I remember when we first began learning about autism and the spectrum, Tracey told me the divorce rate for couples with one autistic child was 85%. I joked, “Well, then two kids must mean 100%—so I’m out of here!” We laughed, because we knew our real superpower was each other.

This blog will be our story. If it helps even one person raising a child with disabilities, then it’s worth every effort. Along the way, I’ll also share recipes—because cooking has always been my escape from the chaos, and maybe it can bring comfort to someone else too.

Thanks for joining us on this journey. I hope you enjoy the posts. 😊